In my head

If you have been following my journey at all you would know I suffer from endometriosis. It’s a bitch it really is. I also have been in a medical menopause for a year now. I workout pretty much daily. Enjoy food in moderation and am an online fitness coach. Health is super important to me and so is self belief and mental health.

I stress to my customers to be nice to yourself not to focus on the scale. But other changes. Falling in love with yourself: that the number on the scale although it is some indication of health. The scale itself does not measure success.

But if I am being 100% honest with you all. This part is hard for me! I was that person that would weigh them self multiple times a day that fucking thing haunted me. And my self worth went down when that number went up or didn’t budged. I got better with it I stopped caring I really did. But over the past yr being in menopause at 32 and watching my body change get curvier and shape differently is throwing me in old habits. I can tell how different it is, cheats cling on me quicker.

My last Drs appt to talk about my hopefully final surgery I was paralyzed with fear to get on the scale. I knew it changed I can feel it. I was right. That appt was weeks ago and I find myself obsessing over that fucking number. Everything’s been different. How I’m feeling, working has pretty much stopped and I hate that I live my job!

But here’s the thing guys, sometimes the coach in me comes out. I am literally in my underwear writing this. And that scale doesn’t mean shit. Yes my body changed but I am in better shape now then I ever was in my early 20s. I’m taking my own damn advise and choosing to be kind.

So here we are 3 days from surgery, I just thought I should give you all some insight into what’s been in my head.

I’ll keep you all updated on that. For my Endo sisters keep fighting.

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